Give me a safe space, or give me death.

rp_Give-me-laughter-300x176.jpgWomb University

Welcome to Womb University, your safe space for higher education. At Womb U, you will never be offended, insulted, belittled, or made to feel bad in any way.

Home of The Babies

Check out our hockey team, The Womb U Babies. They’ve never won, but, then again, winning isn’t everything. The important thing is how you play the game! And when you play the game the way it should be played, we are all winners. Yay!

The right not to be offended supersedes the right to free speech.

The Fourth Amendment to the U.S. Constitution clearly says, “The right of the people to be secure in their persons… shall not be violated.” Part of being secure in one’s person is to not be offended at any time for any reason. The right not to be offended supersedes anyone’s right to be offensive through the use free speech.



Hashtags That Matter






















Hard Workers in the Land of the Free Lunch

The gator whisperer.

The gator whisperer.

by Danny Murphy
This article first appeared in The American Thinker on November 3, 2015.

Melissa Harris-Perry of MSNBC recently cautioned fellow commentators to be “very careful” about using the phrase “hard worker.” Many conservatives and Republicans took exception to that, saying that the statement was proof that political correctness has gone too far. However, the fact is that Harris-Perry, who, ironically, has multiple jobs and appears to be a hard worker, did not go nearly far enough.

Work itself is a four letter word that should be used with great care. The word has been used for centuries by the successful to oppress those who do not work. Establishment types use the word as a dividing line between themselves and those who are less fortunate. The beneficiaries of “work privilege” take for granted the many benefits they receive due to their status as workers.

  • On the job, people who work associate almost exclusively with other people who work.
  • People who work can usually count on most of their neighbors being other people who work.
  • In social situations, people who work primarily associate with other people who work.
  • People who work tend to have better interactions with the police who, like them, have jobs.

Our culture revolves around people who work. It’s nearly impossible to purchase anything without encountering someone who works. You cannot go to the doctor, eat at a restaurant, or purchase anything at any store without interacting with someone who has a job. Also, most of the history we learn in school is about people who had jobs.

Movies and television shows are by people who work, for people who work, and mostly about people who work. Throughout the media, reporters, editors, and producers all have jobs. This gives them a better understanding of people who work and a natural affinity for them. The end result is sympathetic media coverage for people who work and critical coverage of those who don’t.

The U.S. government has a Department of Labor with many employees. The Labor Department’s mission is, “To foster, promote, and develop the welfare of the wage earners, job seekers, and retirees of the United States; improve working conditions; advance opportunities for profitable employment; and assure work-related benefits and rights.”

We have a national holiday to honor people who work. It’s called Labor Day and there’s nothing remotely similar to recognize the important contributions non-workers make to society. Non-workers don’t get promotions, raises, or or any form of positive societal recognition. Ironically, people who are not employed never get a vacation or a day off. Day after day, week after week, and month after month, they toil at their non-livelihoods.

People with jobs fail to comprehend that those who are not employed in the traditional sense frequently work every bit as hard as those who work. Making a living without working for it can be the hardest work of all! It requires skill, perseverance, and an ability to make something from almost nothing. Anyone who doesn’t believe that should try panhandling on a street corner with a cardboard sign.

The challenges faced by non-workers on a daily basis are tougher than anything faced by people who work. And yet, non-workers are stigmatized for using food stamps, living in public housing, getting free health care, and for receiving a variety of other so-called handouts from the government. People with jobs routinely disparage people who are not employed.

Although non-workers do not pay out of pocket for the benefits they receive, it’s ridiculous to think that anything is given to them freely. There are applications that have to be completed and submitted to government agencies. Meetings have to be arranged with social workers, who, by the way, have jobs. Non-workers spend a lot of time standing in lines.

One of the greatest disparities between workers and non-workers is that people can get education and training to pursue jobs and careers. However, no similar training exists to show people how to pursue a non-career. The only training that non-workers get is on the non-job training where they have to learn as they go.

People who work say that if you put your nose to the grindstone, you’ll find success. Those who don’t work are people who have found out the hard way that when you put your nose to a grindstone, you sometimes get a nasty abrasion. Non-workers know that a little hard work can lead to a serious injury. Meanwhile, people with jobs refuse to acknowledge that there are perfectly legitimate reasons why some people choose not to work.

Some people simply don’t have the skills or experience required to perform an entry level job. Also, the benefits that come with entry level opportunities, if there are any, are generally less than the benefits non-workers receive for doing nothing. The unemployed cannot be blamed for not pursuing work when getting jobs will have a negative effect on their livelihoods.

People who work frequently say that there’s no such thing as a free lunch. In today’s United States, shouldn’t there be? The Bill of Rights guarantees Freedom of Religion, Freedom of the Press, Freedom of Speech, and several other important freedoms. The time for Freedom of Lunch is upon us. The Declaration of Independence speaks of Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Happiness. In a country that calls itself the Land of the Free, why shouldn’t people who don’t work have the freedom to pursue happiness their own way?



People say that if you put your nose to the grindstone, you’ll find success. Actually, if you put your nose to a grindstone, you’ll probably get a nasty abrasion.

Have you noticed that employers love to hire troubleshooters, but they hate to hire troublemakers? I don’t understand. If they never hire any troublemakers, why do they need all those troubleshooters?

How do we celebrate Labor Day? By taking a day off! What’s that about?

If you don’t do it right the first time, the people in quality control won’t have to worry about losing their jobs.

#LazyLivesMatter – Watch the MSNBC video!

Business Jokes from Murphy at Law

You might be a Murphy if…

you don’t have enough experience for an entry level job.

you’re self-employed and you can’t get along with the boss.

you have a job an idiot could do and you’re very good at it.

a vanity publisher turns down your manuscript.

you get seasick from cruising the world wide web.

you try several businesses and they all blossom into non-profit ventures.

you’re on the bottom rung of the company ladder and you get demoted.

during your job hunt, you get rejection letters from companies you never even applied to.

Introducing new hashtags from Wit Privilege.



If you liked this, share it. Buttons for Google Plus and other social media are in the column to the right.

Also, if you like the writing, you might like one of Danny’s ebooks.

Check out Danny’s Amazon Author Page.

Texas Chaise Lounge Massacre: Halloween Jokes

Be afraid! Be very afraid!!

Be afraid! Be very afraid!!

Sitting can be hazardous to your health! The Wall Street Journal recently published columns by Sumatha Reddy and Jason Gay on the dangers of sitting. With Halloween coming up, the timing couldn’t be better.

For centuries, people have assumed that having a seat was safe. Now we know that sitting kills, and it should terrify everyone. This stunning news could inspire a new genre of horror films. Here are a few possible titles.

  • Texas Chaise Lounge Massacre
  • The Savage Seats
  • Rabid Recliners
  • Chair Chamber Bloodfest
  • Attack of the Adirondacks
  • The Bloody Barber Chair
  • Dental Chair of Death
  • Killer Couches from Outer Space

Those titles may seem like Halloween Jokes, but this is nothing to laugh about. The chairs aren’t coming. They’re already here, in our homes and cars, in our workplaces, in public parks and libraries – you name it. Be afraid. Be very afraid!

The Offendarity Movement

#offendarityIt offends me, deeply, whenever other people are offended. It also offends me when other people are offended that other people are offended by other people’s offensiveness. When one is offended, all should be offended.

We’ve all heard of Solidarity. The time has come for people to stand together in a spirit of “Offendarity.”

Here are a few famous quotes revised to promote the Offendarity Movement.

Four score and twenty offenses ago.

I have a dream, that one day no one will be offended by anyone else.

Ask not what your country can do to stop offenses. Ask what you can do to be less offensive.

We have nothing to be offended by, but offenses themselves.

Give me inoffensiveness, or give me death.

Life, liberty, and the pursuit of inoffensiveness.

This offense is your offense. This offense is my offense. From California, to the New York island…


Conan O’Brien and Stolen Humor

"Conan With The Duck" by Gocha Nemsadze

Like the people who wear military uniforms and medals of valor they never earned, many Twitter users steal jokes so that they can pretend to be funnier than they actually are. Instead of stolen valor, they have stolen humor. Conan O’Brien was recently accused of stealing jokes tweeted by Robert Alex Kaseberg and using those jokes in his monologues. Kaseberg is suing for the unattributed use of several of his masterpieces in 140 characters.

I empathize with Mr. Kaseberg because I know how upsetting it can be to hear one’s own joke in someone else’s act. In the 90s, I was getting jokes on a few popular syndicated radio shows. Shortly after It Takes a Village by Hillary Clinton was published, I made a joke that the sequel would be titled It Takes a Village Idiot. The joke got on the air in dozens of cities. A few days later, Don Imus was the speaker at the Press Correspondents’ Dinner in Washington D.C. I watched the event live on C-SPAN, and I nearly choked on my corn chips when he uttered the line.

When people write topical jokes they’re dealing with the biggest news stories of the day or week. Because of that, many hit the same topics and write jokes based on the same premises. With topical jokes, it’s possible, and even probable, that several writers will come up with jokes that are similar. Even though my joke was incredibly clever, Imus or someone who wrote for him certainly could have come up with the same line.

Speaking of idiots, I once had a job an idiot could do. And I was very good at it. But I digress.

Familiar themes also serve as premises for jokes. Here’s a joke I used to tell. “If money is the root of all evil, I must be on my way to sainthood.” (I know the Bible verse says “the love of money.” However, that didn’t fit well for the joke.) Over a year after using that joke in my standup act, I saw it in a newspaper comic strip. I didn’t do much comedy outside of Florida and I doubted that the artist had somehow stumbled across my joke. She simply came up with the same joke.

After I published my book, Humor 101: How to Tell Jokes for Power, Prestige, Profit, and Personal Fulfillment, I was accused by someone from New York of stealing one of his jokes. The joke was different, but the premise was the same: A sense of humor is one of the most desired attributes when seeking a relationship. It wasn’t exactly a unique idea. The guy was doing local gigs in New York and he hadn’t had his joke published anywhere. Although he could not figure out how I had gotten access to his joke, he was certain that I had. There was no way to reason with him. He threatened to sue, but nothing ever came of that.

Twitter is a sharing platform. It’s also a stealing platform where many users cut, paste, and take credit for other people’s tweets. That genie is out of the bottle and it’s never going back in. Tweet plagiarism is sometimes referred to as twagiarism. Some twagiarists develop impressive followings. Sammy Rhodes accumulated 130,000 followers and became a Twitter rockstar with his funny tweets. In 2013, he got called out for plagiarism by comedian Patton Oswalt. Rhodes left Twitter for a while, but he’s back tweeting like a canary. Although he occasionally recycles his own lines, there don’t seem to be any accusations of fresh twagiarism.

As I read about Rhodes, I thought up the words tweetaholic and tweetaholism. I believed I had coined two brand new words. Then I Googled those words and found that they’ve been in use for some time, proving my point that more than one person can come up with the same brilliant idea. But again, I digress.

Tweetaholism can be a terrible thing. One tweet is too many and a thousand tweets aren’t enough. (That sentence is based on a line that’s frequently repeated in reference to alcoholism.)

A similar joke here or there doesn’t constitute comedic plagiarism. There have to be several jokes, as there were in the Kaseberg case, or a comedic bit, which is a series of jokes about one topic. For example, I once wrote a bit which was published in the January 2000 issue of The Door Magazine. In 2007, a mega-pastor adapted it for a parody video that got over 100,000 views. There was no attribution and I didn’t even discover the video till 2013.

When I contacted the mega-church about it, the church’s mega-lawyer asserted that my old piece and their video were “very different.” People who steal have no problem lying and denying when confronted. I discovered that Rev. Humongous had also plagiarized my piece in one of his books. The evidence was very obvious in black and white. After I contacted the publisher, they wasted no time inserting my name in a footnote.

Writers need attribution in order to build their livelihoods. Twitter is, and will continue to be, one of the worst places for writers to post anything that they want credit for. Nevertheless, people who write tweets that are good enough to share or steal actually deserve credit for their work.

With topical jokes, more than one writer can come up with the same joke. However, when one writer’s jokes keep showing up in someone else’s act, something is probably wrong. Conan has people who write for him. If the four jokes in question all came from one writer, that person almost certainly plagiarized Kaseberg’s tweets.

Have you heard the one about Conan firing one of his writers?

#stolen humor #Conan #Kaseberg #twagiarism #plagiarism

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